I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize