If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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