I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize