Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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