i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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