he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
