Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
