You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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