I think I died a long time ago.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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