im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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