I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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