I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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