I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
