I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
