I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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