It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i came on her dog
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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