girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
