I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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