that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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