thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
