He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
