The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Someone came in the potted fern
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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