Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize