yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
