So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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