Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
