Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
