Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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