Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
