obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
