I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
