If i come over, it means nothing
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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