Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize