wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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