I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
