Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nutella sex= disaster
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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