i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
