You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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