I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
