when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize