didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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