why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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