Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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