dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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