alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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