Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
