Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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