She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
