I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
