I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
