i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
