I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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