1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
