remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
