the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
