You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize