420 ftw
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
