I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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