So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
