"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
