Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
