i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
