So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize