I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
