some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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