Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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