i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize