Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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