"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
