I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am midnight drunk by noon
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize