it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
