You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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